Dear Olivia,
It’s June 2nd, around 2 am in South Africa. Tairlisis is on a facetime call with their sister who lives in the United States of America (+-8pm there). At this time, She thinks her brother Matthew who goes by he/him is calling her randomly. Yes, this is all very confusing but humor me.
On the dominant screen inside facetime is his sister unpacking shoes for a trip out of state. On the caller cutout is “Matthew” who is audibly unable to get out what he needs to say. There is a break of silence whilst she views her packages. Matthew starts to cry. Matthew comes out to his sister as Transgender. The response is positive. It was at this moment where You, Olivia were released from years of trauma, running and hiding. And just like that, it started to fall like dominos. From family members to friends. Each person was told in their own way about the phoenix who has risen out from the ashes. You are valid. You are beautiful. You will achieve great things. You will live a long fruitful life. You will not allow anything to stop you on your flight.
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Hello <3
I am Olivia Artiam. On the 13th of June 2021, I came out publicly as Transgender. Whilst there are only 11 days between coming out to my sister and coming out online, I have had a bee in my bonnet for years. For me, there is no full definition of Transgender. I am still riding the wave of ecstasy of coming out, I still have so much to learn as it is not only sis gendered individuals who need education. My discovery came from educating myself as well as surrounding myself with more LGBTQ+ individuals. I have a long way to go. But as I said, I don’t think you can define it by body parts, clothes, appearance, etc. However, there are little memory boxes in my mind that in hindsight make it pretty obvious to the trained eye that I am indeed a little itty bitty different. I enjoyed theatre. Before my audition for the film adaptation of the SPUD book series (2010), My Drama teacher Mrs. Bresler (2009) had put us into two groups. One of the plays needed a female. I have very quick eyes and knew I needed to remain quiet and act like I was watching something on the other side of the room when she asked “who would like to be the girl? “. Similar to how one gets picked last for a P.E. Soccer team, but purposefully.
Throughout my life I have had instances where I have wanted BRAT Dolls, to wear dresses and wigs. I’d put my mom’s Estee lauder Lipstick on and smile in her bedroom mirrors, then quickly place the lipstick in the EXACT same place and position and wipe off the lipstick and go on with my life. Part of me felt guilty because I was using someone else’s things, Part of me knew I was different but I could not pinpoint what It was. All I know is that whenever I got the chance to put a dress on, a tight outfit, or something remotely resembling a woman I’d be there FIRST.
The very first time I came out was when I was in the 10th grade. After years of relentless bullying at the All-Boys school, I went to, I dipped (as the kids say nowadays) and Moved to a smaller school. I was starting over. As my audition was unsuccessful I started school in 2010 at this smaller family-orientated school. I still got bullied but my skin got a lot thicker, or maybe I was so used to it the ridicule. Between being asked if I was gay on the daily, which was totally not Gucci (also apparently what the kids say), and having my first experimentation with what I still believe to be my soulmate, I came out to my Step father’s girlfriend at the time. Through suicide attempts, panic attacks, and being in a bubble of ignorance I surrendered to my heart and came out to my stepdad. Him being a traditional British male I did not expect him to be accepting but he was pretty relaxed about it and said he loved me regardless. I was gay and out and proud ( to an extent).
As the years have gone by, I have done a lot of growing up. I’ve lost a lot of friends, family, serotonin. But what I have always maintained is the love that I have for myself. Some may say ego, but if you present as a confident person, they will always try and bring you down to the level they believe they should not be on but you should. I have had a lot of battles with my own brain with depression, dysphoria, and anxiety, and those have hindered and helped me.
I do think that I am Not Matthew, I love my Mom and Dad and respect their lives but I do not connect in any way to Him. Then there is Tairlisis. A split, if you will. A persona, A life, A way to run away from what people want me to be… Matthew. Olivia was hiding inside of Tairlisis. It took me moving out of my childhood home and moving in and out of 3 apartments between 2019-2021. Being allowed the freedom to live and speak my mind at my current place, as well as a health scare in 2019 and the big one, Covid-19 in 2020. My life was put into perspective when I culled negative energy, Isolated and forgave myself for the past as well as took responsibility for my life and took accountability for my actions. I also feel obligated to set myself as an example, not necessarily as a good person or anything but a person younger LGBT+ Folks can look at and say I too can come out, I too can be free from the chains I place on myself.
I don’t have a Million followers or friends but I have some really good friends I am surrounded by. They know who they are. I love them as I, A woman would love to be loved.
Oh and a shit ton of Rivotril. Haha.
The last 15 days have been a roller coaster of emotions but I would not have it any other way. I cannot wait to see what the next 15 years of you, I, Bring.
Dear every single “Olivia” out there,
You are valid. You are beautiful. You will achieve great things. You will live a long fruitful life. You will not allow anything to stop you on your flight. RISE MY QUEENS <3 X Olivia
@OliviaArtiam on all socials
My Youtube will be launching soon!
“Becoming Olivia” https://push.fm/fl/olivia
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