Growing up I was a confused child – I had no idea who I was but I understood very clearly what I was meant to be. I grew up in a strict Catholic household. The people I was surrounded by were incredibly devout to the catholic religion and the discriminatory beliefs that were attached. The household I lived in taught me that being gay or participating in any such practices was wrong and immoral. Often religion and the bible was used to further prove this. Being a devout Catholic myself – I lived in constant fear that “one day I would suddenly turn gay.” I remember for the longest time I felt like I was living a lie and pretending to be someone I was not. I always felt I was living a façade of an innocent young girl – and I felt like I was lying to everyone but most importantly, I felt like I was deceiving myself.
Till this day I still question my sexuality because society constantly questions it for me. This due to the discrimination that is ongoing against the LGBTQ+ bisexual and pansexual community. A few years ago, I identified as straight, then bisexual, now pansexual and again I am beginning to question where I stand. I always felt that the label of bisexuality was very constricting for me, as I have always felt that it made sense to love everyone – love is love and I have never believed it should be conformed. I have always felt misrepresented and misunderstood - I felt I didn't have a community and I didn't understand who I was because there was nothing representing me. However, when I discovered pansexuality – I felt I was finally home. Being Pan makes sense to me logically – I finally felt like I was in the right skin – I felt like I belonged.
You are probably wondering, what is pansexuality and why does any person on the spectrum of the lgbtq+ community battle with so much confusion? Well, the answer to the first question according to Wikipedia (because the oxford dictionary doesn’t know the word pansexuality exists), is:
Pansexuality is a sexual, romantic, or emotional attraction towards people regardless of their sex or gender identity. Pansexual people may refer to themselves as gender-blind, asserting that gender and sex are not determining factors in their romantic or sexual attraction to others.
I am sure I can speak on behalf of many bisexual/pansexual individuals – this process of discover is daunting because there are so many definitions and categories in which people can exist in terms of sexualities and genders. It was very crowding and flustering for someone who had never had exposure to the LGBTQ+ community especially due to my constricted and sheltered upbringing. However, what many people are not aware of is the discrimination that takes place from both the straight and LGBTQ+ communities. When you are pansexual or bisexual- you are expected to pick a side - it is a struggle because sometimes you aren't accepted by the straight or gay community. If you haven't dated or been with the same number of individuals from all genders - then society says you're lying. This can make the process of discovering your identity harder. Subconsciously, people’s opinions hold a lot of power and can manipulate you into second guessing yourself to serve their narrative or views. The result of this is always detrimental.
I have had people constantly question my sexuality and the validity of my sexual preferences. All because I haven’t ‘picked a side’ or I haven’t dated an equal amount of each gender. I did not feel accepted or included for a very long time and to this day I hold a lot of hesitance when opening up to those around me regarding my sexual preference. All communities need to take responsibility for the prejudice they carry.
I find that the best way for individuals to fully understand pansexuality is to be educated. Below I have attached some links and information from different articles to help anyone who needs to better understand the pan community.
9 Things Pansexual People Want You to Know from the HuffPost:
1. No, we’re not just bisexual or going through a phase.
2. Being pansexual doesn’t mean you’re attracted to everyone, all the time.
3. Pansexuals are into monogamous relationships, too.
4. Pansexuals and bisexuals can coexist.
5. Stop assuming we’re interested in a threesome or orgy.
6. You’re never too old to come out as pan.
7. Pansexuals are respectful toward gender identities.
8. Not acknowledging that pansexuality is an orientation makes it harder for people to live their most authentic lives.
9. We’re not rigid in our definition of pansexuality.
How to Know If You’re Pansexual by the Very Well Mind:
The primary sign that you are pansexual is that you find yourself attracted to not just men or women or nonbinary folks, but to people all across the gender spectrum. It doesn't mean you are attracted to every single person, but rather that you are capable of finding people of any gender sexually desirable. Dr. Lavelle says, “Those who are pansexual would say that their attractions were gender-blind or gender-neutral. As such, they wouldn’t feel that gender or sex were determining factors in their sexual or emotional attractions.”
How to Discuss Your Pansexuality with Others by the Very Well Mind:
You do not owe anyone a disclosure of your sexual orientation or how you came to discover that part of yourself. This is especially true if you believe that disclosure would put you in harm's way. However, there are of course times when you might wish to speak with trusted loved ones about your orientation. This might be the case with close friends, romantic partners, and even the parents or parental figures in your life. In such cases, be as honest and clear as you’re able. You might need to break down the definition of pansexuality, since some people are unfamiliar with it. If you’re speaking with a romantic partner about this, explain how your orientation might (if at all) affect your relationship. From there, explain that the way you feel is not a phase and that this is a part of who you are.
Supporting a Loved One Who Is Pansexual by the Very Well Mind:
If you find yourself on the receiving end of someone coming out as pansexual, recognize that person considers you a monumental figure in their life. Coming out as pansexual—or any orientation that isn't heterosexual—can evoke a broad range of feelings for the individual who is coming out. For some, it is extremely scary, and for others it may be less of a struggle. Either way, your reaction will impact your relationship deeply moving forward. "My biggest advice to any parent or loved one is to keep an open mind about pansexuality, particularly if it [involves] their child," says Dr. Lavelle. "As pansexuality is only beginning to be accepted, the discovery can be confusing for young people, and they will need support when trying to understand their own feelings." She adds, “If someone you love is open and comfortable, ask them if they are open to discussing it with you so you can have a deeper and more inclusive understanding of how it feels for that person and what it means to them.”
Links attached below:
· What is pansexuality? https://www.teenvogue.com/story/what-is-pansexuality
· Things Pansexual’s want you to know: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/things-pansexual-people-want-you-to-know_n_5b328d99e4b0b745f17877cc
· Myths and Facts about Pansexuality: https://sydneygaycounselling.com/2018/09/myths-facts-pansexuality/
I believe the main reason for the pan community being misrepresented or misunderstood is due to the lack of education, representation and information regarding Pansexuality. I hope this helps anyone who doesn’t know much of the Pan community or who is Pan and doesn’t necessarily feel included or represented.
*(Disclaimer: I in no way intend any harm or negative representation for the Catholic/ Straight or LGBTQ+ community – I am also aware that my experience may be that of the minority and my views aren’t necessarily shared by ALL communities – this blog is written in the utmost respect to all parties and is a translation of my personal experiences.) *
By Anon.
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